Good for me.

So, I have this job. And these blue eyed boys. And a perfect husband, a hoarding personality (I hoard words & memories too, hence the blog posts), 2 dogs that always need water, a house covered in dog hair, a refrigerator that never stays organized, too much recycling for our container, a Snoopy bandaid stuck on the bottom of the garbage can that I see every time I change the bag but ,yet, never remove and family members that want to eat dinner every, single night. It is exhausting. But, as it turns out, exactly where I am supposed to be.

I was going to title this post, "I struggle" because I do. I really do. I struggle multiple, really thousands of times, daily. When Gabbi wakes me up & I still have 2 minutes left to sleep, when the 7 minutes prior to getting out the door always takes at least 12 minutes, when the 8 month old has never slept through the night, when the person in front of me at Target is writing a check, when Max poops in his car seat, when my New Years' Resolution of taking at least 10 minutes to eat lunch crumbled in shambles my first day back to work, when I am trying to fit in quality time in with everyone, while also getting dinner ready, cleaning up, making lunches, folding clothes, washing dishes, bath, bed and story time and figuring out the latest Show & Tell* all in the same 2 hour stretch in the evening, when I have to work late (past 9pm) 3 nights in one week, when I try to cram every errand ever in on the weekend.

I know every mom who has ever lived feels my pain on all of the above, so thanks for being in the trench with me.

*I kind of hate Show & Tell. I mean, every Friday? Really?

But, probably the greatest thing I struggle with is the mom guilt. I read somewhere that "guilt is the most useless of emotions" and I was all inspired and going to use that for my mantra because it is so true and then I failed miserably at actually remembering it.

To be honest, I constantly question my decision to take my job. Usually these doubts enter in my mind on the long drive home at 10 pm on a Tuesday night when I've just left the basketball game I was covering and I think of everything I need to do when I get home before I can crash. Or, when I think how some professions have lunch hours (or 10 minutes) or how when I was teaching I was occasionally home by 6pm more than one night a month. I just miss my kids and Brandon and my house and my ability to set the 9 hour timer on my washing machine and not have mildewed clothes because I am gone way longer than 9 hours. (It is way cool that my washing machine has a timer. I realize this.)

This is not helped by the fact that the majority of people totally, blatantly, shamelessly,  without fail judge my decision. I cannot tell you how many people have made some kind of negative comment when I tell them what I do. The response is always, "Oh, I bet you miss your kids", "I could never do that;I love my kids too much",  "I was going to be an Administrator, but I decided I am really a mom first", "I can't believe you work that much, you know you can't get this time back", "I treasured my time with my kids when they were small. I never wanted to work too much", etc, etc, etc.

I can tell you how many people (besides my family, of course) that have made a positive comment to me.

One.

 Anderson & I ran to Ingles (I never go to Ingles, it is expensive, but it was close) to get orange icing the night before Thanksgiving to make turkey cookies and I ran into the mom of one of my old students. She told me about her daughter's wedding and job and all this business. I told her that I had a 6 month at home in addition to the 3 year old. She asked when I was going to return to work. I said, "I went back when he was 2 months. But, I am not at FHS, I am an Assistant Principal at Powell." Then, I waited for the negative comment and she cocked her head, looked at me and said, "Good for you."

What.

GOOD FOR ME.

Darn right, good for me. Because I do struggle (a lot. I struggle a lot), but I* am making it happen. I literally am at work at least 50 hours a week, not including my commute and yet, my kids still love me, my husband is still perfect, my dogs still need water and I still manage to half heartedly feed all of us everyday. I am grumpy and tired and forgetful, but I am loved and happy and so, so living in the perfect life. True story.

*We. We are making it happen. I fully admit without Brandon, my mom and Toni, I would be living in a car or a gutter somewhere.

Point is, my boys will be raised with the belief that women are equal to men (I am not a feminist, but still), that hard work pays off, that TV & sleep is overrated when there are projects to complete, that their grandmas love the heck out of them and that their dad is just as capable as their mom because he is in charge at least a few night a weeks. And that, if they are good, Bobble will take them to a sporting event where they get to eat popcorn & starburst and play with the little ice thing in the tiny fridge in my office.

Also, I truly think I would go crazy if I had the hardest job on earth-stay at home mom. You all are the real heroes.

Really, being a mom, no matter what the work/home, home/work, home/home, work/work situation looks like, is the hardest thing ever, so GOOD FOR ALL OF US!

Plus, there's FaceTime and if that is not basically the same thing as raising kids I just don't know what is.