Yesterday Anderson & I went to one of my favorite places in the world, CVS, so we could make a little money & maybe take home some toiletries in the process. Anyway, he was not cooperating at all with the cart so he was handing me bottles of nail polish while I searched for the free toothpaste.
This woman said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but does he have a cataract?"
I stared at her. Nobody asks if it's a cataract. It's always, "What's wrong with his eye?" or "Lazy eye?" I said,"Yes...Do you know someone who has one?" I was fully expecting it to be a friend of her nephew or something random. I almost fell over when she said, "My daughter had one. She's 2."
I was speaking, in person, face to face, with another cataract mom!! I had no idea this day would come.
We went through the whole thing on both sides-how it was discovered, how old they were when started patching/surgery/etc, complications, etc. ...Then she said that something about "wore" the patch. As in past tense. As in past tense with a 2 year old & a vision problem that is not cured by 2. I must have looked confused because she said, "Well, we gave up on the patching thing. It was just so impossible. I mean, toddlers are already so difficult, there was just no way."
I thought, surely she knows something I don't know or maybe her daughter didn't really have a cataract because I know the result of not patching a cataract. I must have looked confused because she said, "The doctor said she will just be blind in that eye, but she won't know the difference. "
We talked a few more minutes about how random pediatric cataracts are & then went our separate ways. I looked down at Anderson & said, "You're welcome."
But, seriously, most of you all reading this are moms-CAN YOU IMAGINE???? She has complete control over her daughter being blind in one eye and she is letting it happen! Is this not against all that is being a mom? I am still trying to process it. That poor baby is really all I think about & how borderline (across the border, let's be honest) obsessed I am with Anderson. Didn't something just click the moment your kid was born & you knew it was for real, no matter what, they are always first!
Ok, so to my cataract moms, WE ARE AWESOME!!! I know you both are crazy frustrated with the contact/patching (and, rightfully so), but you are doing it everyday! There was something to validating for me personally about our conversation. I guess it was proof that it is hard if other people can't do it. Is that totally selfish that I profited from this poor girl's vision loss? I was a little giddy when I left CVS & I don't think it was just because of the free toothpaste!
That is hard for me to comprehend. I can't even imagine giving up. Oh I might say that I want to give up, but I would never do that. NEVER!!! I would have to be on my deathbed to not patch him. PERIOD.
ReplyDeleteWHAT??!! that is the craziest thing i have ever heard. how can she sleep at night!!! i wonder what she was thinking about as she walked away...
ReplyDeleteI have no words for this. Wow. Being a parent sucks sometimes, but come on, you're a parent, and that is a responsibility. I am practically a professional speech therapist after everything we went through (still going through)with Jeremy. Could you imagine if we just said, hmm, that seems hard, he JUST WON'T EVER SPEAK? One day that little girl will realize her mom made this choice and I feel for her. I also feel for Anderson, who has the best mom - one he will always be proud of!
ReplyDeleteHonestly this blogging thing is saving my sanity. I was having the worst morning ever. Literally ever, so far the worst. Emotionally I am exhausted. I tried twice today for 20 min. each to get the contact in... with the goal of patching in mind. My husband came home for lunch so we could try together... again. It's in and he is now patching, with a sore around his eye from the patch. I wanted to give up, maybe even just for today... but didn't. I feel like the cruelest mom at times, how many times did I shove my fingers in his eye today alone?! Everytime, I say I love you, I'm sorry. WOW, as soon as I read this and when you said to Anderson, your welcome. The tears are streaming down my face right now. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing. Because I will NEVER just say to myself... oh he will just be blind in that one eye, he won't know the difference. I am partly crying for that little girl. Even if Easton's vision is just slightly above being blind in his one eye, I know I tried and gave him every possibility. My doctor told me some people just can't do this... but really for me (all of us) it's just not an option. PS. I feel better now, thanks! See "sometimes reading a blog helps!"
ReplyDeleteUm, when is that okay? What is wrong with that lady? I would be truly embarrassed to admit I was the cause of my child's blindness! You are awesome and you are making it work. I still can't believe that woman had a straight face!
ReplyDeleteI could just cry and cry for that little girl. I can't imagine not doing everything possible to help your child, even if its "hard". Quitting has never been an option.
ReplyDeleteI should introduce myself! I'm Angela and I just came across your blog. My little guy had his cataract surgeries about two months ago. He wears contacts and we just started patching. I get so excited when I come across a blog of another "cataract mom"! Hope you don't mind if I check in from time to time!
You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteMost moms ..I think would do anything for their children...This is what we do daily. It's an instinct. We want the best for our kids and even though it's tough patching/ eye drops/ contacts we know we are doing it out of love and that our children understand this(at least one day they will). Toddlers can be difficult but really it's such a short time in our kids lives it eventually passes. Vision is the gift of a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteIt's just so incredibly sad that this lady couldn't see the big picture and that ultimately she is robbing her child of the chance to have vision in both eyes.