Four Hours.

In some ways I think Dr Cogen giving us four total hours off of the patch everyday might be even better than the complete removal of the patch at the end of our journey.

It was so unexpected. And, for the first time in the almost 2 years since we started the Eye journey I feel sort of chill with regard to Anderson. (I am not normally a chill person, so this is an even bigger deal than it may seem.)

Everyone asked, "What are you going to do with those 4 hours?" At first, I just didn't know. It seemed so foreign. The first days were actually sort of challenging because it is literally ingrained in my head that, "YOU CAN'T OVERPATCH!" It has to be what my brain has said more than anything else ever in my life. After so long of struggling to keep the patch on (minute to minute on some days, especially in the beginning), it seemed ludicrous that I would CHOOSE to take the patch off. Why would someone choose that? It's like choosing to not breathe or I'll just pass on dessert, thank you anyway. Nobody makes choices like that willingly!

We've always looked at the patching in a round-up sort of way. If the game is "You can't overpatch" and the prize is your kid's vision, you tend to take this sort of thing seriously. So, even when he had 2 hours off, it wasn't really 2 full hours. I like to give an hour of that to all of those seconds/minutes that we call "transition" time when he has taken it off and I am opening a new one, trying to find him to put the new one on, bribing him with fruit snacks to move his hand, etc. When you throw in bathtime & driving time, that's basically the other hour, so we just tried to keep it on all the time.

Four hours off is a different game entirely. Even with the two hours earmarked for routine, that leaves 2 hours! 120 minutes to be savored and savor we will! I figure we count seconds/minutes with the patch on, so that just leaves more precious time to be enjoyed with it off!

So, back to the issue, enough rambling. Those 2 hours are still a bit tricky. See, Anderson is clearly permanently trapped in a non sleeping phase so we never really know what time he is going to actually fall asleep. We are trying to stick to a normal bedtime (well, normal for him, which is 8:45-9, probably not normal for most 2 year olds) but sometimes he doesn't actually fall asleep until 10. Even if that could be another hour without it, that still leaves AN ENTIRE HOUR TO FEEL ZERO GUILT OR WORRY!

 We play outside or in the fountain with Jack or we drive somewhere without me worrying or I fold the clothes or type blog posts and as long as I can hear him & know he is ok, I don't have to check on him every 30 seconds. It is beautiful what perspective can do sometimes. I can honestly say I have never appreciated an hour so much. 

I remember posting a status on facebook a long time ago that said something like, "A toddler without an eyepatch would be a vacation" and someone commented, "If every day was a vacation you wouldn't recognize it" or something that annoyed me at the time, but it stuck with me and not I see the truth in it. This extra time off has honestly made me so happy and so content in a way that I never thought an hour could do. I would've never realized it without those 17 months of having my butt kicked.

I know I sound ridiculous & who on earth can say so much about 4 measly hours, but I have learned that documenting my thoughts every step of the way has been really sort of fascinating, so I want to remember my thoughts at this point, which I see as a huge victory!

Thanks for listening:)

No worries here!