some patching.

Anderson is officially too smart for his own good. 

He hard core works us with this patch situation.

Bribing us for extra time in the sandbox, fruit snacks, etc. in exchange for keeping it on.

Brandon asked me a few weeks ago, "How has he been with the 'you know what?'" Anderson piped up, "My eyepatch?" 

There are days when people stare or ask questions or ugly little boys tell him he is a fake pirate because his eyepatch is green and not black. 

Then, there are days where I help a woman get her daughter's wheelchair out of her car and I am beyond humbled.

There are days when I realize his obsession with Nemo can teach me a lesson, too. After all Nemo does have that little fin, which in the end turns out to be fine IF the dad would just let it go & stop worrying! But then I am reminded that the worry is what made the dad get him out of that aquarium in the 1st place.

*This movie really just stress me out. The mom is eaten, Nemo is taken, the dad is almost eaten by birds, sharks, etc., Dori just needs a friend, the Angelfish must have a sad background, the niece is scary, do all fish feel trapped? I am sick every time that diver gets him. Every time. It is just too much for an hour and a half. Usually while I am thinking all of this I realize that I am not entirely sure if Anderson even realizes that Nemo and his dad are TWO different fish.*

 But, back to the eye. I do still worry constantly. The entire time at his 30 minute swim lessons I kept thinking how weird it was to actually see my kid's face! And, I kept worrying about that time without the patch. We do get 2 hours a day, but a chunk of that is taken up by car rides, bathtime and our chasing him to get it back on. Plus, at 11 in the morning you just never know how the rest of the day is going to go so you hate to use your only free time for day! It is always there. The worry.

 There is one teeny tiny thought that I generally keep very, very well hidden & it only pops up occasionally. It isn't a fear that "this" won't work. Rather, it is the step beyond that. It is the fear that it won't work & Anderson will blame me for his lack of vision. 

There. I said it.

I know what you're going to say. "It's not your fault! You didn't cause it! You are doing everything you can! Blah, blah, blah!" Sorry to be unappreciative, but if he can't see, those phrases won't help me feel better. (Just being honest again)

I know teenagers. I know they are wonderful, sweet, inspiring people. I also know they tend to be a bit irrational at times. In the darkest corner of my mind lives a conversation with Anderson where he is upset because he can't drive or something else related to his lack of vision and he says something awful like, "It's your fault, mom (Bobble?)!"

And, it will be. All of the patches, appointments, drops, pirate costumes, stalking...none of it will matter because he will be right. Ultimately, I am his mom. This happened when I was pregnant. I am supposed to fix it.

Nicole & I were talking about Anderson's eye the other day (shocker) & I sort of brought this thought up & I was crying, she was crying (my mom is probably crying now) and I decided a plan of action.

I'm going to lie.

If "this" doesn't work then I will tell him that he never had a chance to see and all of those thousands of baby pics with him in a patch were just because we thought we would try, not because there was actually a chance. I am pretty sure we won't have to resort to that, but if we do I would appreciate if you could all work with me on it. Thanks.

This. app. was. deleted. 

I know just last week I was all about running a marathon & now I am sort of rambling in a slightly more negative tone. It is the nature of therapy, which my blog (and you all) provide for me. I am appreciative of the fact that this therapy is free:)