2832.

One year.

Today marks one year since we started patching . Look at that perfect bug on his first day of patching.

365 days minus the 11 days after his surgery when we didn't have to patch.

Averaging about 8 patches a day. 2832 patches. Give or take.

2832 reminders that this might not work, he might not see.

2832 reminders that we caught it, we can't overpatch and Dr. Cogen is cautiously optimistic.

So much happened in the last year. I mean, so, so much. But this post is not about Anderson discovering trucks/tractors/trains or the fact that I am the luckiest Bobble in the world for so many fun days with my bug. No, this post is about The Eye. (Aren't they all?)

THE LOWS

Let's get the yuck out of the way first. Here are the "lows" as I remember them. Not trying to be negative, just trying to lay it all out there. Plus, lows always make highs so much better.

1. The diagnosis

-Not the diagnosis by the optometrist because, for some reason, all I remember from that is , "He does have a cataract." Oh, ok.

Instead, the day when the eye doc (NOT Dr. Cogen) laid it out for us. Anderson has a cataract. This will affect the rest of his life. He will never be able to wear contacts;he will always have really thick bifocals. He will most likely never have vision in his left eye. He WILL have surgery. The surgery will be the easy part. This could have long term effects like detached retinas, glaucoma, etc. He will never be normal.

The crying. The fact that she never offered me a kleenex. The awful, awful feeling of just awful. The unknown.

2. The patching

Oh, holy nightmare. I will say this right here & now. I will NEVER be more proud of anything in my life than the fact that we have dealt with this patch. The last year has been the hardest of my life. Way harder than the first year of Anderson's life, which I did not think was possible when I was exhausted. Our lives revolve around this little bit of adhesive. Seriously, it is the "Patch Show" & we are just minor players who aren't even important enough to be listed in the credits.

We only use 8 patches a day because we can sometimes re-use the krafty patches. He definitely takes it off about once every 5 minutes. We patch about 13-14 hours a day, so whatever that adds up to....I don't want to see that number. If he is distracted with Jack or Lily or at the play area at the mall we can get longer than 5 minutes, but then there are times where he is fighting us so much that he can rip it off while I am putting his glasses on. He is a sneaky thing.

3. The Incident

I saved it for last. I still remember it so clearly. I may or may not be tearing up right now as I type this. Overdramatic? Possibly. Motherhood? Yes.

Last April we were at an event at the YMCA at some community thing. Anderson was about 15 months old. We put him in the play area. He went right to the trucks. (The boy started early.) Then, a 5ish year old walked up, looked at Anderson & lifted his redneck arm. He pointed at Anderson and started laughing as he made fun of his glasses & eyepatch. "Look at his glasses! Ha, ha! Look at him!" Anderson waved back at him. Smiling.

I waited until we got in the car to start crying. I was pretty proud of that.

Nobody wants their kid to be made fun of or laughed at, but I am pretty sure that it does not happen to a lot of 15 month olds. It was hard. It hurt. A lot. My sweet bug, just waving back at the punk kid who clearly had no emotion. Punk.

The Highs

1. The diagnosis

We are so lucky. We caught it. We WILL fix it. I will always be grateful to Aunt Paula for giving Anderson his vision.

The Knoxville ophthalmologist was so awful that we found a second opinion. Thank goodness for the Hills & Dr. Cogen.

2. The patching

While I am frustrated right now with the patching, I know it has so many positives. Yes, I just said that.

Everyone tells me, "Enjoy him now while he is little!" or "I wish mine still could sit in my lap!" I will NEVER question if I spent enough quality time with this boy. My job does interfere with our Bobble/Bug time, but the rest of the time it is all us. He is in my lap a lot. We talk a lot about construction, trains, the girls (dogs) and the moon. We read, act out different animals & construction equipment & play in the clothes I just took out of the dryer after I dump them on the bed.

We are best friends. Well, after his Bop, I think I am his best friend anyway.

3. The incident

I teach Advanced Placement students, which means I write A LOT of letters of recommendation for college. I stopped counting at 58 this year. In addition, I generally fill out quite a few of these generic checklists for the guidance counselor to give her information about the students. There are general questions like intellectual promise, leadership, etc. But, the one that stands out to me is "Reaction to setbacks".

Every time I see that I pause for just a few seconds.

I'm reminded that so much of success isn't obvious, it's the work that it took to get there.

I'm reminded of Teddy Roosevelt's words, "There never was a man who had a life of ease whose life is worth remembering."

I'm reminded that your character is defined by how you react when something really crappy happens to you.

I'm reminded that life isn't about how many times the patch comes off; it's how many times the patch goes back on! 2833...

I'm reminded of my Bug & the fact that he is such a trooper and he will get a FULL RIDE TO COLLEGE because he will write some awesome admissions essay about overcoming adversity at a really early age and now he is empathetic, resilient and a genius/star athlete with perfect vision because his family patched him ALL day when he was a toddler.

4. Daily reminders

I was reminded every day of this last year that love, instinct and being a mom can really overcome anything. In some ways this is so easy because it is second nature to do what our kids need. Also, my mom taught me those things every day. She never once complained about the patch. Not one time. Clearly Nicole & I have no patience because she kept all of it.

Having Mom, Toni, Nicole, Aunt Manda, Clare...all willing to listen to my frustration on a daily basis has been a constant reminder of how lucky I am. We are not alone. And, I have a perfect husband who lets me get frustrated a lot. I still get so upset sometimes, just worrying about the unknown, the vision future, the fear we aren't doing enough to fix it. No wonder Anderson is a trooper, look at his dad. It's tough to deal with a hormonal woman who is a worrisome mom.

I've learned that some days you're the Bobble & some days you're the Bug. The most determined person will win.

I think our personal motto became, "When life hands you an eyepatch, make a pirate!" I really did have that weird pirate obsession, even before he was born.

My Eye Moms have been such a Godsend. I will probably never meet you, but I will watch your kids grow up & I can't wait to see perfect examples of how the damage of cataracts CAN be reversed! You all are awesome & your encouragement is what keeps me patching.

And, now I leave you with a few patch sightings from over the weekend...

He is so fair, one for each of them

The car. ALWAYS.

pizza.

The belt section at Target.
Bobble Cole truck book.

TWO patches on the truck table. I didn't even see the green one when I took the pic. I love when he sets down the patch & glasses together, so purposeful. (I mean, I hate it because it's off, but love it because it's precious. You know. )

The recliner. (Still loving it, Cousin Shae!)
My sock in the car.

This is pretty constant.

His reindeer slipper.

My favorite one. I was putting my stuff in the car. Literally not even 2 feet away from him. The dog food incident is just because he is a toddler. I find that entertaining. I just hate that stinking orange bandaid in the mix.

Maybe I totally underestimated the number we use each day? This looks like more than 8. Let's just stick with 8.

WE MADE IT A YEAR!!!! An ENTIRE year. A YEAR! I just can't stop thinking about how awesome that is! :)